


Sometimes Gentle, But Often Not

by allimander



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Pregnancy, Romance, Sexual Content, Slight Humor, Unplanned Pregnancy, explicit sexual content in chapter 2, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-10-06 22:35:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20514608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allimander/pseuds/allimander
Summary: Blackwall never expected his time with Inquisitor Lavellan to be anything but fleeting, but there she stood by his side, again and again.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! Welcome to something very self indulgent that I've been writing for a while now. Not beta read by anyone but myself, more chapters and tags to come.

Blackwall was many things. Warrior, protector, liar, murderer, to name a few. But the first time in his life, he felt the sting of jealousy stab him in the gut.

Inquisitor Lavellan had pursued him, of all the men she could have, despite all his warning and resistance, she persisted. Eventually, the older man was worn down and gave into his desire for the small elven woman. It would end badly, he knew it would, but for now, with her in his arms every night, he didn't care. Rainier was never one for committed relationships, but when he saw Lady Lavellan, his Variwyn, he didn't want to imagine any sort of future without her with him. Maybe it was a part of getting old, or maybe she had changed him. Almost completely for the better, but this jealousy, this was for the worst.

It began after a relatively simply excursion to the Storm Coast where Variwyn had all but throw herself of one of the many slick cliffsides, but somehow managed to not get seriously injured. Blackwall thought he was going to pass out when he saw her go over the edge. But, she was mostly fine. Scraped and bruised with a cut on her head, but fine, thank the Maker. He made himself useful in camp that night by cleaning the cut on her head.

"I'm going to try and get some rest," she had said. She planted a kiss on Blackwall's bearded cheek and slinked into the tent behind them. And then, it happened.

"She's a sturdy little elf, isn't she?" the Iron Bull's booming voice shook him to attention, "Mind if you give me a try with her?" he laughed and slapped Blackwall on the back. Now, he knew that the Bull was probably joking. Rainier had made jokes like that in his past, but he pang of jealousy and anger he felt now was palpable in his chest and stomach. He was about to speak when the Bull continued with a laugh.

"It's funny to see your face get all twisted! I'm just messin' with you big guy. Don't tell her what I said though, she'll tell the bartender not to serve me for another week again."

Blackwall relaxed a bit but couldn't shake the jealous burn completely. He decided to take his own leave into the tent with Variwyn who was already asleep on her bed roll. He gently laid down next to her and gazed at her face when her eyes shot open.

"I thought you were already asleep," he said as he gently ran his hand over her cheek.

"How could I fall asleep with you all shouting around the campfire?" she smiled with her playful tone.

"Ah... sorry. Did you... happen to hear what The Iron Bull said?"

"Oh yes. I wish I could've seen your face."

Blackwall gave a small laugh. He really had nothing to worry about, did he? Here she was, in his tent, in his arms, smiling for him.

"Just keep letting the bartender serve him, if he thinks I told you next time we spar I'll have a concussion."

"We would have matching concussions."

"Do you think you have a concussion?"

"No, I'm a sturdy little elf, remember?"

Variwyn snuggled closer to Blackwall who wrapped his arms around her. He never felt happier than when he was with her. The jealous sting was all but washed away by her embrace as they drifted off to sleep.

When it happened again, it was worse. Cullen Rutherford, commander of the Inquisition's forces was a handsome, honorable, and younger man. Blackwall tried to ignore the lingering looks he gave the Inquisitor, the occasional brush of hands. He respects her a great deal, he thought, that's all, but the longing that plagued the commander's eyes when she left his office told a different story. Blackwall never doubted Variwyn's fidelity, no, but the creeping notion that she would be better off with Cullen grew in his mind. Blackwall respected the commander a great deal. Blackwall also knew how he would despise him if he learned of his crimes and his betrayal, how Variwyn would be better off with a man without this baggage, who would not one day hurt her like he knew he would.

But the thought of letting her go burned his insides and turned his stomach. No, he couldn't let her go. He was still a selfish man. That's something he hadn't out grown. When Cullen was near, Blackwall couldn't help himself from resting his hand on her waist or the small of her back to pull her close. He loved how she blushed to the very tips of her gently pointed ears, and how only he knew how she blushed all the way down her body. The burn of jealousy still stung especially when his small lover trotted into the commander's office for meeting. Variwyn was single-minded and trusting to a fault. Others had mentioned how Cullen gazed at her but she was quick to brush it off. Blackwall didn't find it so easy.

"Why do you look so troubled?" Variwyn and Blackwall had retired to her Inquisitor's quarters for the night. It took some convincing on her part to get Blackwall to stop sleeping in the barn, but he had now settled in quite nicely. He was lounging on the large, plush bed, mostly disrobed and unfortunately thinking too much. Apparently, it was showing on his face.

"I'm alright," he replied, "just tired."

Variwyn finished taking the intricate braids out of her hair and walked over to the bed, crawling in next to him.

"Though I do like the tortured look, you can tell me when something is troubling you," she spoke against his skin and gently ran her hand over the thick hair on his chest. The fireplace in her room crackled and cast shadows across their bodies and faces. Blackwall sighed. He shouldn't lie to her anymore than he already was.

"The commander has his eye on you," his voice was little more than a low grumble. Variwyn sat up and grinned down at him.

"Are you jealous of Cullen?"

Blackwall sighed again.

"No."

"Are you sure?" she continued to tease.

"I... he's much younger than me, isn't he? Closer to your age. Less hairy too, probably. A better man almost certainly. I just don't want to lose you," he finished. Lose her any sooner than he would have to, that is.

Variwyn's smile faded.

"You really shouldn't have such a low opinion of yourself, Blackwall. You're a good man. I'm a bit annoyed you think Cullen could just swoop me away, though," she held his face in his hands, "You are the man I choose to be with."

She chose him again, and Blackwall realized just how lucky of a bastard he was. Hunting him down to Val Royeaux where he had resigned to die, dragging him back to Skyhold, and refusing to let him go, even with all the eyes in Skyhold upon him.

When she finally came to speak with him again, Variwyn gave him a firm slap across the face.

"How could you do that to me?" she yelled, "How could you just leave? You should've... you should've told me! A long time ago! You were just going to let me believe you left me? That you... that you..." her stone mask of Inquisitor began to crack as her curled fists lightly hit his chest and her voice broke. She came closer to Blackwall and pressed her forehead against his chest. "That you didn't love me," she quietly said. Blackwall thought that climbing the gallows was hard, but seeing his lover crying against him may be worse. He wanted to collect her in his arms and kiss her, of course he loved her. He loved more than he thought possible. But this was his fault, he no longer felt capable of comforting her after his betrayal.

Saying sorry didn't feel like it could ever be enough.

"I'm not a good man, Variwyn. I never have been. But I do love you."

"Just promise me that you'll never lie to me again," She looked up at him. Blackwall wiped away her tears with his thumbs.

"I swear."

"If you do I'll kill you myself."

"I would want nothing else."

So they talked, and Blackwall told her everything about his past, about Rainier. When night fell he was going to take his leave. He did not deserve to share her bed tonight, he felt. But Variwyn usually had other ideas.

"Blackwall," she said, "Where do you think you're going?"

"I was... going to retire for the evening."

"You are not going anywhere," her nostrils flared a bit when she spoke indignantly. Blackwall couldn't help but feel a small fit of elation when she commanded him to stay. She still wanted him with her.

"As you wish, my lady," he responded. Variwyn rose to meet him and pushed her lips against his. He was surprised, she was always a gentle kisser, letting him take the lead. In this kiss he could feel her anger, her lips were fire and her body tense against him. Much to Blackwall's shock she brushed her tongue against his lips. He decided to rest his hands on her hips and tentatively kiss her back.

"Thom," she uttered his real name for the first time. Hearing it was the sweetest forgiveness he could ever hope for.

"You deserve so much better."

"Would you stop saying that," her reply was but a whisper, "You're a good man. Maybe you weren't then, but you are now. I decide what I deserve," she kissed him once more, "And I want you by my side."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the sexual content, some more feelings, and a little Cole for good measure.

Blackwall noticed Cullen sneering at him every chance the two were near each other. Cullen wasn't a bad man, the opposite really, and Blackwall held nothing but respect for him. Unfortunately it just caused his scorn to burn worst.

"It'll only be a week, Blackwall. A trip to Crestwood to check on Caer Bronach, then I'll be back," Variwyn was gathering a few things the night before another expedition, carefully packing a few important items and sheathing her two daggers.

"I would still prefer if I could accompany you," Blackwall replied having already settled into the canopied bed. Somehow, he found himself in her quarters almost every evening.

"I know, but you're needed here. There's a large number of new recuits." She gave him a sympathetic look and slipped into the bed next to him.

"Cullen still despises me."

He wasn't wrong, Variwyn had to know that much.

"He personally requested your help, he won't let his personal feelings get in the way of his work."

But, Variwyn was usually right. Blackwall sighed and shifted towards her small frame.

"Promise me you'll be careful."

"I always am!" she faked disbelief in her voice.

"With all do respect, Inquisitor, that is a blatant lie," he said. A hint of a smile peaked through his beard and Variwyn let out a giggle. Her small hand gently moved to his chest, the faint glow of the anchor bouncing off his skin. Blackwall felt her gaze across his broad and chest and her hand moved through the coarse hair. She had always been enamored with his hair, he noticed. Elves don't have much besides what is on their heads, she once told him.

"Please try to not fret the whole time I'm gone," Variwyn said, "and focus on me being here with you now, tonight." Blackwall cupped her hand with his own and kissed her palm.

"Did you have anything in particular in mind?"

"Do you?" she said. A sly slime crept onto her face and Blackwall felt a thrill rush through him.

"I think I can come up with a few ways to... enjoy your company," Blackwall sat up and wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her into a kiss. The blanket fell away from his body as he sought after her, to kiss her, to touch her, to feel her and the proof that he is alive and she's here and she loves him regardless of his past. When they broke apart Variwyn was beaming at him.

"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he spoke against the skin of her neck, arms wrapped around her back. Variwyn squirmed.

"You flatter me too much, and you beard is tickling me."

"But it's the truth, my lady, you are the most beautiful woman in Thedas," he pulled her into his lap, "and you also have the most marvelous tits I've ever seen." Blackwall gave them a gentle squeeze over her nightdress. Variwyn responded by pulling the garment off completely.

"They're tiny."

"They're perfect," Blackwall buried his face between her breasts, planting open mouthed kisses over the perky flesh. Variwyn scraped her fingers through his dark hair and pulled him closer. He couldn't get enough of the feeling of her warm skin against his own.

"Your beard tickles a bit, you know."

"Do you want me to get rid of it?"

"Oh, gods no, I love it." Variwyn pulled his head away from her chest and lightly pushed him onto his back, grinding her hips down onto his. Blackwall felt the blood rushing lower in his body as his erection grew. She was an infuriating tease, blithe and writhing above him. Her light skin was scarred in some places, and there was a mole on her lower back that only he knew about. Usually he liked to be the one in control, pushing her down on her back and have her splayed out beneath him, but watching her above him making quick work of his trousers and her own smallclothes he couldn't complain. He groaned a bit as her hands, slightly rough from years of grasping blades, rubbed his cock with slow motions. Variwyn bit her bottom lip. Her face was flush and framed by golden hair, with every curve of her body draped in the moonlight that slipped through the windows of her quarters.

Blackwall grasped her soft thighs with his hands and rubbed circles into the flesh with his rough thumbs. He ghosted his right hand over her slit.  
"You're this wet already, love?" he teased.

Variwyn's pink flush bloomed into a full-bodied red tinge with his words. He loved having this effect on her. She looked to the side and quietly replied,

"It's your fault." She rubbed her slick folds over the hard head of his cock before lining him up with her entrance and slowly began to sink down onto him. Blackwall closed his eyes and let out a hoarse breath as her tight walls engulfed every inch of his erection. Soon he was completely sheathed inside of her. The breathed in unison, enjoying the heat of their connection. Variwyn ran her hands over his chest and slowly, agonizingly slowly, began to raise and lower herself on his cock. Her mouth fell open and her eyes fell closed, but Blackwall couldn't look away from the sight before him. He marveled at how she opened for him, accepted him. Variwyn embraced the slight sting of being stretched to her limit and filled so completely. Blackwall was quite the well-endowed man.  
As she began to move herself faster, rocking her hips so his member would drag over just the right spot.

"Thom," she breathed. Hearing her call out his real name sent a deep shiver through his body. Rainier sat up a bit, propped up on his elbows to get a better look at her. Her breathing grew faster along with her.

"I've never seen a woman bounce so beautifully," he muttered. Variwyn opened her eyes and giggled before taking his head in her hands and kissing him. Rainier explored her open mouth with his tongue and thrusted up into her body. She whined a bit with the pleasure. She was never very loud, but it made the sounds he was able to coax out of her even better. Rainier reached down to rub her clit in small circles. A small moan escaped Variwyn's lips. She had stopped moving herself on his cock, twitching a bit with pleasure as he brought her closer to her climax.

"Thom, please," she whined again.

"What's that, love?" Rainier's voice was a low growl in her ear as he continued to thrust his hips. Variwyn faltered and fell out of his lap and onto the bed. He moved to press their lips together once more as he now hovered above her, still rubbing circles on her clit. She twitched below him with he eyes screwed shut, legs splayed out deliciously before him. He enjoyed the view of her on top of him, but this view was probably his favorite. Variwyn gripped his arms as she came. Still twitching, she helped guide Rainier's erection back inside of her.

He wasted no time fucking in and out of her, hands roaming her body and his mouth greedily on her neck. His own orgasm began to coil in his stomach. Variwyn's arms were tightly wrapped around his back. With their bodies pressed together, Rainier pushed inside of her once more as his climax washed over him and he spilled inside of her. He gently pulled out of her and rolled onto his side.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Variwyn spoke up and smiled lazily.

"I uh, yes. I did. Did you?"

"Mhm," she hummed quietly to herself.

The two of them laid beside each other in their afterglow, chatting idly and enjoying each other's company. Variwyn soon curled up beside him and fell into a deep sleep against his chest and Blackwall wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head under his chin. She would be gone in the morning, but for tonight he could hold her in his arms.

"Thom, go to sleep," she mumbled against his chest.

Blackwall kissed her forehead, and obliged.

Variwyn rose before him, swiftly moving through her quarters to gather the remainder of what she would need for the journey ahead. As she attempted to quietly sheath a dagger, her fingers slipped and the curved blade clanged onto the floor, finally stirring her dozing lover. The morning came too soon for his liking, pulling him from the fog of sleep and the warmth of the bed they shared. As the noise registered Blackwall shot up.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, yes I'm fine, just clumsy. You know I'm trained to be an assassin?" she glanced over at him, taking a moment to admire his broad body draped in the sheets. His hair was an absolute mess, he was quite the restless sleeper, and his beard was somehow more unkempt than his hair. She found it horribly endearing.

"I've never seen you falter on the battlefield," he replied.

"Yes I seem to save all my faltering for early mornings. I'm sorry I awoke you."

"It's quite alright," Blackwall stretched and took his turn to admire her. She had sadly slipped her nightdress back on at some point, but her upper thighs peaked out from the hem, and her breasts, Maker, somehow seeming them draped in the dainty fabric made them even more enticing. He moved off the bed to hug her from behind, trapping her small frame. Variwyn leaned her head back onto his shoulder and rubbed her cheek into his beard, noticing the delicate grays that were woven through the hair on his temples. Blackwall planted kisses onto her neck and shoulders.

Variwyn broke free and continued to gather the last of her things. Blackwall dutifully saw her to the gate, ignoring the looks and whispers from the nobles in the main hall as they emerged together from her quarters. Standing at the gate was Solas, the Iron Bull, and Varric, the latter two pestering the austere elven apostate.

"And there she is. Thought you weren't gonna show up, your Inquisitorialness," Varric said as he lovingly cradled his crossbow. The dwarf gave a wry grin in the pair's direction, "And the boyfriend here to see his lady off."

"Don't worry big guy," The Iron Bull chimed in, "I've got her back."

"I've seen you two spar, tiny," Varric continued, "She's so tiny and agile when fighting you can barely keep an eye on her."

"Hey!"

"Our dwarven friend is right, Ser Rainier, but the Inquisitor is capable."

"Yes keep talking about me like I'm not here," Variwyn spoke up, "I apologize for being late," she turned to the man looming behind her, "It's one week, Thom," she brushed her fingers over his knuckles, "I'll be fine."

"I'm less worried about your safety and more worried about the levels of annoyance you're going to experience."

His playful comment earned a snort from Solas and protests from Varric and Iron Bull.

"You love hanging out with me, Blackwall, you're just jealous you don't get to come this time."

A call rang out through the courtyard, and the gates of Skyhold slowly lifted. The rattle could be felt throughout Blackwall's whole body, not subsiding until Variwyn and her companions were out of view. He let out a heavy sigh and began to head towards the training ground with his feet even heavier. He was more than a little worried about working with Cullen for the week. As the commander came into view, Blackwall did his best to straighten his back and not so as defeated as her normally looked without his lover by his side. Cullen's form came into view along with the mumbling and shifting of a few dozen new Inquisition recruits in the yard. The commander turned to Blackwall and gave him a nod.

"Thank you for assisting me," he began, "You have a bit more experience in training farmhands than I do."

The look on Cullen's face surprisingly didn't hold the distain that Blackwall was expecting. The knot in his chest softened. Variwyn was right. Cullen was a professional, and would not compromise their goal.

"I'm... happy to assist." Blackwall tried to choose his words carefully. Cullen was a professional, and a formally educated one at that. The blond commander gave a small nod in his direction and then faced the gaggle of unkempt recruits.

The training went much better than Blackwall could have ever hoped. He ignored the soreness in his arms that came with sparring for hours on end. His tired body moved on it's own, drifting towards the Inquisitor's quarters. His heavy legs carried him up the flights of stairs that creaked and ached like his old bones, finally reaching the heavy door. He half expected to see Variwyn, laid on the chaise, writing at her desk, or blissfully asleep in the bed that was almost too comfortable to their liking. The room was empty, the bed carefully made, just how she left it. It wasn't even his room, Blackwall thought to himself. He has his own quarters. Not as lavish, but more than adequate. Maybe he should go there, without her in the room as well he couldn't help but feel as if he was an intruder. He decided to light the fireplace, to see if it could chase away the cold that now lived in the large space.

"I miss her too, when she's gone."

Blackwall stood from the fire that began to crackled and turned to the small voice coming from behind him.

"Sweet Andraste, Cole, how long have you been in here?"

"A few hours, I think," the slight, pale, newly-more-human boy replied, "You really hate being apart from her, I can feel it."

Blackwall turned back to the fire. "I thought you were done reading minds."

"I am, for the most part, I think. I can still feel other's feelings though, especially when they're strong. Most people still don't notice me, either," Cole made a small, sad expression. "I was hiding when you first came in, though."

"Why?"

"Well, Variwyn told me I could come in here when she was gone. She never told me someone else might. You usually go with her. She likes having you with her," Cole continued, "I've been coming here a while, though sometimes she would come and see me in the tavern. She talks about you a lot."

Blackwall had to admit that his interest was piqued. "What does she say?"

"Depends on when she said it. Before, she wondered why you built walls around yourself. She found you very handsome, and was a bit exotic. Well, she didn't exactly say these things. Stoic, strong, but so much sadness behind his eyes, can't look away, don't know if I want to."

"Exotic?"

"She's used to elven men."

"Ah."

"After, she was angry. At you, and a bit at me. She wondered why you didn't tell her, angry that you would just leave to die without a word. She asked me why I didn't tell her."

"Why didn't you?"

"You had changed. You love her."

Blackwall now felt a tinge of embarrassment seeping through his body. Cole probably knew more about him than he would care to share with anyone. He heard Cole's swift steps move closer, so he turned his gaze away from the now roaring fire and over his shoulder, to where the boy was crouched next to him.

"I love her too, I think. She helps people. She helps me. Varric calls her my mom."

Blackwall laughed at that. Variwyn did have a tendency to baby Cole.

"Can I stay a little longer?" Cole continued.

"It's Variwyn's room, not mine."

"That's not what she thinks."

"As long as you don't watch me sleep, then." Blackwall stood up. The room was warmer now, and he felt like less of an intruder. He always knew Variwyn was fond of Cole, but he was surprised to learn the true extent of their relationship. He wasn't a bad kid.

"I won't. I like to sit in here and read."

"Do you sleep yet?"

"A little."

Blackwall stood up and began preparing himself for sleep, trying to fight off the awkwardness of having Cole in the room. He was curled up in her desk chair, flipping through a book. The gentle sounds of the pages rustling paired with the cracking of the fire were strangely soothing to Blackwall as he shucked off his boots and overcoat. Maybe he wasn't an intruder, he thought. Variwyn had a habit of letting strays into her room and into her life, the two of them included.


	3. Chapter 3

Crestwood was a much nicer village now that the constant downpour and undead had ceased their constant attacks. There was a light drizzle, not that Variwyn minded. She was no stranger to the elements, growing up in a Dalish encampment didn't allow for such. If anything, it was a welcome change from the comparatively plush accommodations of Skyhold. Varric, on the other hand, found the situation unbearable and made sure everyone knew.

"Listen, I'm just saying that living with this constant level of moisture is terrible and no one should live... here..." his speech trailed off as the Northern Hunter began to circle, "Oh, shit."

"Oh YES," the Iron Bull yelled and barreled towards the beast, ruining any chance of retreat. Variwyn sighed and unsheathed her daggers.

She could tell the beast was almost defeated, if she could just get one more good attack on the flank... Variwyn moved to the back in stealth as the dragon was distracted by the Bull's constant barrage. A flash of pain shot through her shoulder as she stabbed into the Norther Hunter, brining the dragon to it's end. She fell to her knees and reached to touch her shoulder. She winced.

"Inquisitor!" Solas rushed to her side, "Do not move, you're hurt. The dragonstuck you with her back leg."

"Oh shit," Varric and the Bull joined the pair of elves, "Is it bad, chuckles?"  
"No, some mending and elfroot balm accompanied with rest and the Inquisitor will be fine. You're lucky it didn't strike you, deeper, Da'len."

"The luckiest elf in the world," Variwyn winced again and he inspected the wound.

"Iron Bull, it would be for the best if you would carry her back to camp."

Variwyn sighed but decided not to protest as Iron Bull, as gently as a former Ben-Hasarath could, picked her up. She hadn't been carried since she was a child with her clan, and had never liked it. It felt far too much like she wasn't in control of her own body. But for now, she relented and tried to relax and ignore the burning pain from her wound.

Camp wasn't too far, thankfully, and Iron Bull gently placed the Inquisitor down next to the fire Varric was starting.

"You're gonna have an awesome scar, boss."

Variwyn managed to crack half of a smile as she chewed on some elfroot.

"I will need you to remove your top, Da'len, so I may get a better look at the wound," Solas spoke as he hovered close behind.

"So, Tiny, how about we patrol the parameter, eh?" Varric herded the Iron Bull away from camp as Variwyn peeled her vest off slowly, and then worked off the buttons of the thick shirt she wore under it. Solas' hands began to glow, and Variwyn looked down at the glow of her own hand, slightly pulsating with it's dim green light

"Hm, it's a bit worse than I first thought. I would like to examine your internal organs for any damage, though unlikely, before I begin treatment."

The Inquisitor nodded in response. Feeling magic run through he body was not an experience she was familiar with and her whole body seemed to buzz with the sensation. Solas was quiet. She tried to focus on the sounds around her, the rustling of the creatures and the slight gusts of wind reminded her of her days with the Dalish, days that seemed to be long gone. But, it certainly wasn't all bad, being here and being Inquisitor. There was people she would have never gotten to meet and befriend before if it wasn't for Corypheus and her mark. And there was Thom. Through everything, she thought being with him made it all worth

"Da'len," Solas interrupted her thoughts, "When was your last cycle?"

"Excuse me?"

"Forgive me. I believe you may be with child. None of your organs are damaged, however."

"How sure are you, Solas?" Variwyn quietly asked

"Relatively sure."

"I thought it was just late... because of the stress I'm under."

Variwyn's eye began to dart around, looking for something, anything to make sense of this. A child? Could she bring a child into this world, under the threat of Corypheus? She had an army to lead, and a whole war to fight... she couldn't...

"You have options. I may be of assistance."

The conversation was hushed whispers between the two elves.

"I... I don't know."  
"You have time to think about it. To discuss it with Ser Blackwall."

Blackwall, she thought. Her head felt dizzy from the pain in her wound and from the news she received. Things began to blur and she became unable to hold her eyes open. Solas gently caught her against his chest, and laid her down on her side next to the fire.

Variwyn noticed herself slightly swaying, rocking like a ship on the ocean. Her eyes protested their opening, unwilling to adjust to the brightness outside. She roused more fully and found herself much higher up than seemed normal for her elf stature, and then noticed she was peering between a large pair of horns. The Inquisitor, leader of the inquisition, was slung over the Iron Bull's back.

"Boss! You're awake!"

"Was I... out for long?"

"Nah, we just got moving honestly. Barely out of Crestwood. Solas said we gotta get you back to Skyhold to better treat that gash of yours. Gonna leave a great scar. Good story too! And that dragon, oh man that dragon! She was a beaut." Variwyn laughed a bit, even if it cause her wound to sting.

"Sweet Andraste, Tiny. The woman could've been seriously hurt! Though it was... pretty cool," Varric tossed back a grin.

"Glad to provide entertainment," the Inquisitor said. Her head was pounding and her shoulder ached, and slight nausea was creeping up her stomach, but she didn't want to worry her friends more than she already had. And honestly, it helped to hear them be so... normal when her thoughts were anything but.

"I am glad you are feeling alright, Da'len. Though I still want the healers to take a look at you when we return to Skyhold," Solas' voice was clear and kind. She silently thanked him for not telling the others what he knew.  
"Alright. Did you send a scout out ahead?"

"I did."

"Thank you. You know, Bull, I'd much rather walk at this point."

The Iron Bull glanced at Solas for approval, Variwyn noticed but decided to let it slide. Solas gave the slightest nod and the Bull gently helped the Inquisitor off his back. She brushed her vest down and gathered all the poise she could muster and began to walk. The pain in her shoulder was dull, but the knots in her stomach threatened to twist her in half.

* * *

The Inquisitor was due back today and Blackwall's body wouldn't let him sit still. A scout had arrived a day before, and quietly informed the advisors that the Inquisitor was injured, though not seriously. Cullen pulled Blackwall to the side of the training yard and relayed the news. He swallowed his panic and listened closely to any information Cullen had.

"Thanks for letting me know," he replied quietly.

"I thought you deserved to. Goes without saying that you shouldn't run around and shout it from the battlements, probably wouldn't be good for morale."

"Probably not," Blackwall's mouth was tugged into a small smile which Cullen reciprocated.

"Thank you for your help this week. I wouldn't have been able to train a hundred farmhands on my own. You're very apt with your blade, and they could learn a lot from you. If you stopped yelling at them, that is."

"Was that a compliment, Mr. Rutherford?"

"Half of one, perhaps."

"Well I'll take it."

The conversation ending with the rumble of the Skyhold gates opening. Blackwall attempted to move casually towards the noise but couldn't stop his pace from increasing with his anticipation. Variwyn's small frame came into view, upright and walking, but with a bandage wrapped around her left shoulder.

"Aw, Inquisitor, his tail's practically wagging," Blackwall heard Varric say. Variwyn smiled and walked towards his large frame. She could see him smiling through his beard and she smiled back until both of their smiles met in the middle with a kiss.

"I missed you," Variywn said.

"Me too," Blackwall tucked one of her braid's behind her ear, "Now what on earth happened to you? Are you alright?"

"Dragon got me with her back leg. I won, though," She smiled up at him, taking in every detail of his face. Creators, she hated when she wasn't near him.

"Oh, Blackwall, it was awesome, it roared and the boss rolled behind her and got her good in the stomach, but it got one back at her before the end. It was amazing."

"It wasn't... alright it was pretty awesome," Variwyn accepted she lost the battle over the Bull's excitement. Blackwall laughed. She felt warmth seep into her body like it hadn't for the entire week she was gone.

"It's not serious, then? Thank the Maker."

"She will still need to be examined by the healer," Solas said.

"Right," the Inquisitor replied, shifting her weight around, "I'll go ahead and go now."

"My lady, would you like me to accompany you?"

"No! No. I mean, it's alright. It won't be long. Can you get a bath drawn for me for when I get back?"

Blackwall was a little surprised by her refusal. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Of course," he bowed.

* * *

The healer rewrapped her wound, gently cleaning and stitching it closed. Variwyn's eyes were darting around the room and her heart was pounding. The infirmary was well lit, and warmed by a large hearth crackling on the back wall. By all means it was a welcoming and relaxing place, but she could not manage to calm down.

"Are you alright, Inquisitor? I'm not hurting you am I?"

"No, you're not. I..."

"Is something the matter?"

She took a deep breath in an attempt to settle her nerves.

"Would you... check something for me?"

"Of course, Inquisitor. What is it?"

* * *

The healer had confirmed Solas' earlier statement. She was pregnant, in the middle of Corypheus' plan to end the entire world, the whole Inquisition relying on her guidance. Creators, how should she tell Blackwall? Variwyn was never against the idea of having children but they had never discussed it before. Solas mentioned options, mentioned that he could help...

Her thoughts furiously invaded every inch of her mind. She could barely acknowledge and smile at the chattering nobles in the great hall as she all but stumbled towards her quarters. A good soak would help. Relaxing in a river always helped clear her mind when she was with her clan, and the warm water at Skyhold was only another benefit. The doors were heavier than usual, groaning and creaking in protest as she pushed them open and pulled herself up the flight of stairs leading to her quarters. Blackwall's large frame was a comforting sight. He had shed his overcoat and gloves, and was idly stoking the fire in the hearth.

"Is training complete for today?" she spoke as she entered.

Blackwall stood, gave a small bow, and extended his arm to her which she graciously took. He tended to enjoy playing the part of a chivalrous knight, she noticed, even when there was no one around to impress. I'm always trying to impress you, my lady, he had said before. So, Variwyn played along and let him guide her to the washroom.

"I, uh, don't know, honestly," Blackwall began, "I left when I heard word of your arrival."

Variwyn couldn't help but giggle at his antics.

"Well the sun is setting now, so I'm sure Cullen is done by now," she spoke and stepped out of her worn boots, tossing them aside without much care, next peeling off her vest and blouse, wincing a bit as she moved her injured shoulder. She shed her pants, breast band and smallclothes before turning back to Blackwall where in the threshold.

"Are you just going to stand there and watch?" she called back to him playfully as she ran her fingers through her tangled hair.

"Oh, I, um..."

"Do you want to get in with me, Thom? Honestly I will probably need help redressing my wound," she turned around and saw the large man haphazardly peeling off layers of clothing. She smiled, for tonight, she was just going to relax and try not to worry about anything. She lowered herself into the slightly steaming water and her muscles began to finally relax. Blackwall followed behind, a bit more clumsily and causing a slightly alarming splash of water to hit the slate flooring.

"How was your week?" She asked, resting her back against his chest.

"Mostly uneventful. Trained some recruits, drank with Sera. Though, I did spend one night with Cole."

"You spent the night... with Cole?"

"Found him curled up in your quarters one night. Like a lost puppy."

"He hasn't done that in a while," she smiled slightly, "I hope he didn't disturb you?"

"No, surprised me, but didn't disturb me. Just hope he didn't watch me sleep."

"He probably did."

Variwyn felt Blackwall's chest rattle with laughter behind her. The thumping of his heartbeat combined with the rising and falling of his chest was a comfort she had missed the last week. But sadly, she could not marinate in the hot water forever. The pair finished bathing and exited the tub. Variwyn dried off a bit, dabbing gently on her wound as she sat on the edge of the porcelain tub. She reached for the extra gauze and elfroot salve the healer had given to her, but Blackwall's hand found them first.

"Please, my lady, allow me." He stood before her with a towel haphazardly tied around his waist. She allowed her eyes to travel up from his pronounced hip bones, over his broad stomach and chest, before resting on his face.

"If you insist, Ser Rainier," she couldn't help but tease him a little after their week apart. He bent to get a closer look at the gash the dragon gave her.

"That's... definitely going to scar," he said quietly. Blackwall's large hands were trying so desperately to be gentle, to not damage her skin more than it already was. Variwyn thought she almost saw his fingers tremble a bit as they glided the salve unevenly across the stitches holding her together. He was generally a serious man, but she doubted that she had ever seen him this focused before outside of a battle. "Is that... enough?" he asked.  
She made a small noise of affirmation.

"Alright, onto the wrapping..." he was talking mostly to himself, she noticed. She smiled down at the top of his still damp head. His wound wrapping was clumsy but did the job.

Variwyn thought about telling him at that moment. For such a large, gruff looking man, he held the capacity for such delicacy and kindness. Maybe it would be okay, she thought. Maybe they could do this. The words caught in her throat as she tried to speak but emitted only an odd croak.

"Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" Blackwall looked up at her from his kneeled position. The steam in the room was becoming suffocating and her hands were growing clammy with her nerves.

"No, No... I'm fine," she reached and touched his face with her hand, attempting to soothe the worried expression that had bloomed there. He turned and kissed her palm. She spoke again, "I think I'd just like to rest."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, here's some semblance of a plot! I'm going somewhere, I promise.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we continue on, slightly delayed, but continuing. Part of this chapter was written in my phones notes, while on a plane hurdling over the Atlantic ocean. Thank you for your patience!

Variwyn threw herself into the work of being that Inquisitor with an increased vigor. Delegating duties, meeting nobles, and even overseeing the creation of a new Mage Tower in Skyhold. She couldn't stop, stopping led to thinking, and there was too much to think about and she didn't want to think about any of it. Her shoulder was healing nicely, at least. She was worried it would grow stiff, so whenever she found an accursed spare moment she brought out her daggers and had it out with an undeserving training dummy.

It was in one of these training sessions that Dorian Pavus paid her a visit. Impeccably groomed as always.

"You know, other people probably would like to use those. The goal isn't to destroy them, I don't think. Though I did light one on fire once."

Variwyn stopped for a moment and turned to him.

"I never thought I would see the day you would visit me down here in the mud, I usually have to go looking for you," she quipped in return. Being friends with him was a blessing.

"Well I decided I tired of you tracking mud up the stairs and on my rugs," he playfully scoffed at her, "But unfortunately, I didn't venture down here to just exchange pleasantries. I wanted to talk to you."

She stopped and turned to her friend, tossing the training daggers to the ground and crossing her arms.

"Alright," she shifted a bit awkwardly.

"What's going on with you?"

Dorian was never one to stray from the point, or to hold any punches.

"I'm... I'm sorry?"

"Oh you can play dumb but you know I've been with this Inquisition long enough to know better, though our less observant friends seem unfazed," he continued, allowed himself to smirk at his own joke, "You're antsy in meetings, I haven't seen you stop moving since you returned from your last expedition. Not to mention the 4 training dummies you've destroyed. Your giant bear of a boyfriend even came to me to ask if I knew what was troubling you, have you ever seen him so worried? It was disgustingly heartbreaking. I've done all of the snooping I could stand and no one has any information, so I came to the source."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she tried to laugh off his concern, fidgeting and tucking a lock of hair behind her tall ears, "I'm really alright."

"Oh I have no doubt that you're alright," he emphasized the last word, "But something is bothering you. It pains me to admit it, but I do care for you. I'm... worried. And so is Rainier."

"I..." her dismissive mask began to falter, "You can't tell Thom. At least not yet. Will you come with me, where we can talk alone?"

He followed her inside the nearby building, up a few fights of stairs, and eventually up on the battlements, deserted with the current guard rotation. She told him everything. It felt as if she was finally able to relax for the first time in days.

"Well, have you decided what you want to do? Solas did offer his help, as you said. It's your choice, though you should tell Rainier. Sooner rather than later. You know he'll support any decision of yours, I think he's borderline obsessed with you." The Inquisitor always appreciated his efforts to lighten her mood.

"I... really don't know. Honestly I've been avoiding thinking about it. Which is why I've been acting like a maniac," she sighed and leaned her body against the cool stone. "I never really thought about children. I have cousins, back with my clan, and I helped out with them, but I never thought of myself as good with children. But sometimes I think about Thom and being with him and honestly, would a child be the worst thing in the world? Except I have an Inquisition to run and a mad man to defeat. I don't know if we have the time, or if it's even safe."

"But what do you want to do, Variwyn?"

She sighed.

"I don't want to make the decision alone."

"Well, you know what you have to do then," he leaned on the cool stone next to her.

She knew Dorian was right, he usually was. She leaned to rest her head on his shoulder for a moment, she was truly grateful to have him as a friend. "And might I suggest," he began to speak again, "Dorian, if you continue and have a boy? It's a lovely name."

"I will consider it."

"You know, I would even settle for a middle name."

* * *

She was still barred from venturing outside of Skyhold for another two weeks. Her stitches had come out, but the head healer wanted to be sure the Inquisitor didn't injure her muscle further before it was given the chance to heal completely. Or something like that. The distractions Variwyn immersed herself into had now become tedious and frustrating, now she just wanted out. Out of Skyhold, and out of her own head. When she was a child, she once got in trouble after knocking over a large barrel of something important while playing chase with another boy in the clan. It was the first time in her life that she had seen the adults so upset with her, so she ran. The woods were familiar at first but as she continued away from the camp she felt less at ease. The trees seemed to tower over her for miles. She was afraid to continue but afraid to go back, the look of disappointment on the elder's face was fresh on her mind.

Eventually, as the sun creeped towards the horizon, one of the hunters found her.

"There you are," he gently spoke, "Your parents were worried sick. One of these days, Variwyn, you'll have to stop running away."

The hunter's words were in her mind even now. She had overcome the constant urge to fly away from her problems when the Inquisition was founded, and even more so when she was named Inquisitor, but something inside her still wanted to run. Perhaps that's why she forgave Thom easier than others might have, because she understood.

Variwyn gathered herself. She was going to tell him, and tell him tonight.

It was boisterous in the great hall as usual. Inquisitor Lavellan had done enough paperwork with Josie that she decided to never hold another quill again, but she would probably have to tomorrow. She stepped quickly through the long room, letting the chatter glaze over her ears and focused on the stepping of her feet. He stomach was churning, like it did quite often these days, with nerves and morning sickness that seemed to last throughout the day. She shoved open the large oak door and began quickly ascending the stairs. Opening a second door at the top, warmth enveloped her. To her surprise, Thom was there, stoking the fire. Well, she thought, at least I don't have to call him here later.

"When did you get up here?" she smiled.

"A while ago, I uh, let myself in, wanted to warm the room for you," Blackwall replied, warmth in his voice matching the warmth from the fire. Her quarters, a warm fire, and Thom. Already she felt the tension in her muscles relax at the sight of him. It was such a familiar sight.

"Thank you," she walked over to him, sliding her hands around his large frame, tracing the quilting on his coat. She tilted her head upwards to kiss him but was only met with a bearded cheek.

Blackwall cleared his throat.

"Cole's here too, he quickly said. Variwyn let go of Blackwall and turned to her desk, where Cole was flipping through a large book.

"Hello," the younger man replied. He was sitting crossed-legged on the chair with his large hat covering the myriad of papers on her desk. Variwyn smiled at him. "She wanted to kiss you, Blackwall."

"I..." he chuckled in reply, "am aware."

The churning in her stomach turned to nausea and she excused herself to the washroom. The vomiting was probably the worst part of all of this. She gazed at herself in the mirror, tucked her hair behind her ears and attempted to right herself. A soft knock came on the door.

"Are you alright, love?"

"Yes! Yes. I'm alright. Just. Righting myself. It's been a long day."

"If you insist, my lady," she could hear the anxiety and disbelief in his voice. She cursed herself for causing his so much strife. When Cole retires for the evening, she thought, I will approach the topic.

Blackwall stepped away from the door and was met with Cole's pale face.

"She's... hurting."

"Excuse me?"

"Waiting, wondering, worrying, she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to do it alone. She can't do it without you. What if... what if he leaves again? What if I wake up tomorrow and he's gone? I never thought about children much before, but there's already Cole. Can I even bring one into this world in good conscious? Maybe I should go to Solas after all. She loves you, Thom. And she's so, so scared."

The washroom door opened behind him with an eerie creak. Blackwall attempted to piece together what Cole just said. A baby?

"I'm sorry, Inquisitor. Your thoughts and feelings were just so... loud." Cole was quiet now, lookin over Blackwall's tall shoulder.

"It's alright Cole," she replied, "I know you can't help it." She meant the words she said but the discomfort or having her feelings and fears, ones she dared not even admit to herself, dragged into the light of day was heavy in the room.

Blackwall slowly turned around to look at Variwyn, who's eyes were wide and distant.

"Oh Maker, what have I done?" He gathered her small frame and held her against his chest, "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you." He pressed his nose into her golden hair and took a deep breath. "Are you... really... I mean... with child?"

Variwyn shifted and nodded in affirmation, terrified of Blackwall's response. To her surprise, she heard him begin to laugh deeply.

"A baby, huh? Honestly never thought of myself as a father, but it doesn't sound all that bad. If you're not opposed to the idea, of course."

Variwyn looked up at him, relieved, if not a little surprised at his reaction.

"I have... an army to lead. A world to save! Sometimes I doubt I can even lead this inquisition as I am now. Add a pregnancy and eventually a child? I... don't know," her feelings and thoughts spilled out, all her anxieties she had built up ever since the journey back from Crestwood finally released, "but I don't think... it's a bad idea. At a base line."

"Lady Lavellan you are the most amazing woman I've ever meet. If anyone could do it, it's you. I wouldn't want you to... fight as much of course but... Corypheus has slowed. You said so yourself and the Commander agrees. There's time, if you want to take it. I would be honored to be here, by your side."

Variwyn finally met his eyes and softened her face.

"We could call her Liddy, if we have a girl. If you wanted." Blackwall practically beamed at her, lifting her into the air with a spin. For the first time, after many weeks, she finally allowed herself to laugh. Her feet met the ground once more and Blackwall began to speak again.

"Do you know how long... how far along..." he stuttered a bit.

"Nine weeks."

"Nine. Okay. Maker, you're going to have a baby. Who all knows?"

"Just Solas, the healer, and Dorian, who insists if it's a boy we name it after him. And Cole, I suppose. Is he still in here?" she turned her head to scan the room, noticing a window now slightly ajar and the pale boy absent. "I don't want to make any grand announcement anytime soon though, if we can help it, I have no idea how it would effect morale at this point..." she trailed off, only brought back to her senses when a large hand cupped her cheek.

"Variwyn, I love you."


End file.
